Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
