Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
