Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
