i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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