We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i came on her dog
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
