I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
hell yes lets make some ravioli
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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