he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
