Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
What drink are we having for lunch?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Randomize
