I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
