I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
