that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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