I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Still dying that you shit outside
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
