I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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