Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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