between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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