Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
if i died would you start the facebook group?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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