so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
