eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
