so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
