my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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