Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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