Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
