do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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