i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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