i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
