Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
