i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
