we're chasing vodka with high fives
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
