Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
