Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
