I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
