Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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