i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
