Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
