I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
