Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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