It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
