i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
