Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i came on her dog
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
