Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
