last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
