Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
