I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
