I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
