booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
