I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
