obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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