Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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