I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We need a shit load of segways right now
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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