The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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