Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
