The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
