You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
