Whod you bang
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
