you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
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