Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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