apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
