I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
