she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
